I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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