i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
