the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
