It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
