margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
