Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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