He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
