how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You dont lie about slip and slides
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
