I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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