turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
