EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
