member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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