i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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