Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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