i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
