his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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