She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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