Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
