fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
