My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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