No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
