He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
