turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
