apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize