this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize