Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
