There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
