k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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