She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
True college students do jello shots in the library
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