There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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