And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
