zippers are such a cool invention
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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