Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
only you would photoshop your dick
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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