I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize