Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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