So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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