the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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