Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
