its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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