I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize