would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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