Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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