what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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