oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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