tequila makes me forget i have legs
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
