i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize