i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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