just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
