Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
