I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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