I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
