just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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