My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
