I heard we made out
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
