I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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