I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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