i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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