so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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