Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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