you would pick up someone in the library
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
