i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
