You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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