Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
