Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
