apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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