Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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