Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
